Greetings and Salutations! Welcome to the Blog section of my page! If you don't know me already, and didn't read my 'About Me' section, give it a read! My name is Jess Vann! Birth name Jessica N. Vann. Family name; Nikkie. Closest friends call me J.Vann. I find myself..trying to BE all those people. When in all actuality, I AM ALL THOSE PEOPLE. In short, I am working on living my best life! Full disclosure, I have not been doing the best at it...well at all. I haven't been consistent and goodness knows i have attempted at blogs and websites and all of this before. Anyway, I failed.
Why you ask? Well let me explains.
2017 has shown me so much about myself and about how who and how I am around others and most importantly, what truly feeds my soul. What makes my soul dance and what brings me the biggest joy. It's as if 2017 has been a journey, building block, laying a foundation, so that I learn how to live my best life in 2018. So I have committed to myself to live through my passion of artistic expression! THEN..AND THEN! teaching others how to do the same [*ahem* insert Creative Spaces here].
I have been on this journey of re-connecting and balance. It has been a challenge... I have put some things to back burner. Dating being the big one, and if you know and or follow me on my other social media platforms, you would have gotten wind of that. Considering my dating history, my outlook on dating and boys has changed, ironically for the better. I have cried so much this year, it's kind of ridiculous. Like full on crocodile-my world is ending, kind of tears. Because, in that moment of time, I really truly thought I had lost control of myself. 2017 also brought health complications and diagnosis. Which has made me look at my fitness and health regime from a different lens. Once again, if you follow me on my Instagram, you would/are, catching wind of that as well. I have also had many blessings and positive energy happen as well. I will recap my 2017 more in-depth in a latter post.
One thing I have always knew about myself and humans in general.
We are complex.
We have layers.
What I am learning and developing is the importance of self-care and that self-care isn't about other people. It is about you. Say that out-loud to your self, 'Self-Care isn't about other people. It's about YOU'. Just marinate on that and if that resonated with you, take that with you and use it however you like. I read a great quote that resonated with me on World of Psychology: What Self-Care Is- What Self-Care Isn't. It stated, 'self-care is “something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.”
That has been my new development and certain things have kept re-occurring in different forms throughout this year, which has made me think about, How do I refuel?
I have always struggled with help, and letting people know how I feel from a mental health perspective. For me, even in my weakest most, my most vulnerable. It's not about me. It's about the other people that I have now become the inconvenience to. I know crazy.... I worry to much about people. I care to much about people. Though when I am at my lowest of low. I seclude... I run from people and communication, because of that feeling of "emotionally being in the way". I have even have moments in my joy where sharing those joys had/has crippled me from sharing because of "emotionally being in the way".
So what does that have to do with Self-Care? Refueling? For me, everything. I am learning how to take those energy and manifest it into things I love. I am using that "less than" feeling and building my relationship with God. I am in turn, learning how to Love myself again, but on a whole higher level. I am learning to embrace the fact I am a sensitive creation and that it is okay to let people see you cry. I am learning to embrace the curves and cellulite on my body. I am learning that it is OKAY that some people don't care about your well-being. I am learning the importance of reflection and that personal and professional growth is on-going. I am learning how to to put my creative outlets I have and want to achieve, into action! My goodness, it is...has been everything.
This will be a journey. In many ways! Ha! Just writing this blog I hope to become a better writer, because I sure am rusty! This journey will have some ups and downs. I am here for it! I am here for the challenge. I hope you are able to join me, as I learn how to refuel, re-connect and find balance through art and passion.